Working in the service industry and interacting with customers in their homes on a daily basis practically guarantees that I will encounter some strange or awkward situations. It becomes part of the job and the strange and awkward become somewhat expected. Sometimes however, one job will stand out from among the rest as exceptionally uncomfortable and cause me to spend some time pondering the amount of strangeness that goes on behind closed doors in the homes we drive past every day.
“The crawlspace is in the master bedroom closet. You have to walk through the bathroom to get to the closet. Inside there are two women. I want you to make eye contact, smile, and then go straight to the crawlspace. Do you understand?”
“Sure thing.”
This set of instructions was significantly more specific than the instructions typically dictated by customers, and I eyed the house with some skepticism. I followed him through the door into the house and could hear voices intermixed with giggling laughs. He looked at me sternly.
“Remember what we talked about”
Don’t worry, I remember our conversation from 10 seconds ago. We went to the end of a short hallway and entered the master bedroom. Two young women sat in a large bubble bath, playfully splashing bubbles and giggling. My skepticism rose. I did as the man had asked and gave a curt nod to the girls; they in response giggled and splashed more bubbles. I continued on to the closet and the man showed me the crawlspace access, making no mention of the girls in the bathtub.
“Alright thanks- I’ll let you know what I find.”
“K I’ll be up here when you’re finished.” He returned to the bathroom and shut the closet door behind him.
The crawlspace problem was uncomplicated and took about all of five minutes to evaluate. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to interact with the people in various stages of undress upstairs however and I laid on the ground in the dark enjoying the cool temperature and the quietness of the earth beneath the house. I texted my friend who had given me the referral.
“Why on earth did you recommend me to this guy??” I angrily typed. “I’m stuck in the crawlspace now and I don’t want to come out”
My friend responded shortly- “I’m sorry man- I don’t know how you always get the weird ones. I swear I’m not doing it on purpose.”
I continued to lay on the ground thinking about my situation. It wasn’t that I was particularly opposed to walking by the girls in the tub, it was just all so weird. Weird people always have an inclination towards finding ways to include unsuspecting bystanders in their weirdness, and I wanted no part of it.
After a while, the idea of me laying in the dark by myself while the bathtub party took place in the room above me felt even more weird than just running the gauntlet and getting it over with. I sighed and crawled back to the entrance. I could hear the giggling and splashing still continuing, now with music loudly playing. I stuck my head out the crawlspace and found the man crouched next to the entrance waiting for me.
I wondered if he knew I had spent the whole time laying a few feet away from him in the dark.
“Well? What did you find?” He asked expectantly.
“Mold. Lots of mold. I’ll get you a report later today with the details.”
“I’m selling the house- I don’t think it’s a big deal but the buyer wants it all taken care of.” He explained that he had bought the home to be close to his ex-wife, but she was moving so it was time for him to move too. I wondered if I would read about his ex-wife on the news at some point.
“Pretty standard- all of our recommendations will be in the report. Let’s step outside and I’ll get your contact info.”
He opened the closet door and the girls sat in the tub. They looked at us expectantly and then one of them looked at me apologetically.
“I hope our music isn’t bothering you! Are you ok if we play the Weeknd?”
“I hadn’t even noticed the music really – it’s fine.”
“We can turn it off or play something different”
“Really- I enjoy the Weeknd. Don’t worry about it. I’m headed to my next appointment now anyways.”
I glanced over at the man as he stood in the in corner observing our interaction. He had the outlines of a small smile on his lips that was slowly evolving into a sly grin. I continued out of the bathroom and he stopped me.
“You can call your boss and tell him you need some more time to inspect the crawlspace if you’d like. You can have the girls wash some of that crawlspace dirt off of you.”
“I really ought to be going. I’ll send that report over later tonight when I’m back at the office.”
I had been moving closer to the door while we talked and as I reached it with these final words I grabbed the door knob. I opened the door, gave the man half of a wave goodbye and walked out quickly towards the driveway. I hadn’t got his contact info, but it didn’t matter. I started my truck and backed out of the driveway.
I drove through the neighborhood towards the main road and thought to myself about how many other strange things were happening in these very ordinary looking homes, and whether or not there was someone trapped beneath them planning their own escape.
